Mit einem Lachen ist alles leichter - With a smile, everything gets easier (© ViewApart -

It´s true: Pity doesn´t help you at all when dealing with rheumatism

By on April 17, 2016

Attention, don´t fall into the “pity trap”! – Stay positive!

Do you know that? You meet friends or family members and are just about to happily deliver your welcome – because you really rejoice and you’re doing great! You’ve seen beautiful things and are looking forward to sharing this.

In the turmoil of greeting, somebody puts a hand on your shoulder, looks at you with this serious and sympathetic look asks you, in a worried tone:

“Well, you poor thing, how are you? Do you feel any pain? Is it somewhat tolerable? ”

It is this sound, the pity that is transported, that settles down like a lump in your throat and feels as if a much too heavy cloak is placed around your shoulders, drawing you down.

The radiant gleam disappears from your eyes and you shrink a few centimeters, at least so it feels.

You change from the person you really are to the person who has rheumatism. You are defined through your illness and in this moment even your own perception shifts over.

Because in this moment, you can no longer simply chat, beaming brightly, about what great things you have experienced and what great things you are planning.

Instead, you have to start at the bottom. “Oh yes, it is ok. Yeah, sure, I am in pain a little but it is not so bad. …. ”

By the time your anxious relatives are reassured and convinced of your general well-being, there is not much left of your own actual enthusiasm.

You are exhausted from trying to smile away your disease and from ensuring that everyone else feels good and sees that there is no need for having a bad conscience.

Your energy is somehow depleted and the telling about your plans can wait until later. Now, again in the face of rheumatism, you are no longer so sure that your plans can be realized so easily anyhow.

Don´t let anybody draw you down. Never! 😉

Stop! Pay attention! Because here lies a great danger! Through pity you are drawn into a state that you want to avoid in your future as a Rheuma Optimist: You are drawn into self-doubt!

The pity that your family and friends do feel for you is real, mostly at least. They really want to know how you are. And you should recognize and understand that.

However, the problem with those sympathetic questions and the pitiful tone they are delivered in, is that they imply that you are just always in this pitiful state of disease and that you can be lucky if it is a little better from time to time.

This, of course, is not the way to look at yourself if you want to implement a positive way of life! Because what you need is compassion. And no pity.

Compassion and pity are totally different things. Both transport energy, but in much different ways.

Pity can draw you down and rob you of your energy. As good the intentions behind it may be, it can leave you depleted and with a sense of powerlessness.

Compassion, on the other hand, is something that can build you up, that helps you to grow and gives you new energy.

Someone who sympathizes with you in a compassionate way, especially if you go through pain or if you have one of these days when everything seems kind of pointless, can really strengthen the back.

An encouraging smile and a nice word, perhaps some physical assistance if needed, can help you to look positively towards the future again.

And honestly, it makes so much more sense!

Let´s rewind to this moment, when you happily want to say hello to your friends and family. Imagine that, instead of being drawn down with heavy pity, your radiance is intensified through sympathetic compassion that lifts you up like a pair of wings.

Doesn´t this feel so much better?!

If in this moment, someone close to you pats your shoulder approvingly and says with a big smile “Wow, you look good! And you can move incredibly well too!”
Then your grin is even wider and you can nod in agreement and then directly dive into spreading out all the details about your wonderful plans.

Life can be so easy!!!

It is important that you become aware of the difference between pity and compassion. Also it might be helpful to talk about this fine difference. – As it can make such a big difference!



The World

Hi, ich bin Lisa! Weil ich davon überzeugt bin, dass sich auch mit Rheuma ein ganz wunderbares Leben leben lässt, möchte ich meine eigenen Erfahrungen mit dir teilen. Viel Spaß beim Entdecken der schönen Seiten des Lebens! ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Hi I am Lisa and I am an optimist, despite rheumatism. I am convinced that we can live a wonderful life - even with rheumatism! Therefore I am sharing my own experiences with you. Enjoy the bright side of life!